I’ve expressed and given examples on my views of apology in the past, with my own entries, such as the two Satya blogs, however, here, Betsy Nelon has provided another, very similar, perspective.
I will admit that Betsy is much more “positive” in her message, which is one of the reasons we look for others to contribute to Neon Plastic Lotus.
Our only regret is the use of pronouns in the writing. It alienates one sex for another, which is unfortunate, as men can be victims also. –
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There is a difference in saying
“I’m sorry.”
or
“I’d like to apologize for…”
or
“I’m sorry that you felt hurt when I….”
They reflect different degrees of admitting responsibility. They reflect different degrees of accepting how the other person has been hurt by your actions.
There is the true sincere apology statement, and then there is the one where the person understands the social obligation of at least acting sorry. One is real, the other is fake. Don’t be mislead. Even saying “I’d like to apologize for” doesn’t mean anything. The person would like to apologize, but isn’t actually doing so.
And worse, saying sorry doesn’t really even mean anything. If you hammer nails into a tree, and then pull them out, there are still holes there.
Expecting the victim to forgive can actually revictimize her. It puts the burden on her, instead of the abuser. It minimizes her…
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